So we got an office monkey for Christmas.

The title is not fiction, but the Monkey is not alive!!

We all love the career builder monkey ads so much (see below) that we have been bugging the boss to get us an office monkey, she did, we had a contest to name it and I won. The proof is here.

No Dice on the Phil Collins

Well, if you didn't already know, you can check for yourself. I sent a letter to Phil Collins imploring him to contract us to fix his crappy, crappy web site. Of course, I did so in much nicer terms. It wouldn't have mattered if I called him a fart sandwich, in all actuallity. I apparently sent the letter to the wrong Phil Collins. Read for yourself:

Dear Mitchell,

I appreciate your letter, but I regret to inform you that I am not the Phil Collins that you intended to reach. I am Phillip Charles David Collins, from Pike County Illinois. I am relatively sure that you are looking for Phillip David Charles Collins, who lives in the U.K. I think. I'm afraid that I can't be of much help for you to get a hold of the intended Phil Collins.

In reference to the web design business you mentioned, I was wondering if there was any way that I could get in touch with you about potentially building a site for my Illinois outfitters company that I run from my land. I wouldn't want anything major, maybe just some sections for deer hunting rates, some turkey hunting rates and some pictures of big trophy buck.

I hope to hear from you soon. I'm ever so lonely.

Your friend,

Phil (not Phil Collins) Collins

I guess that logic should have dictated to me that Phil Collins didn't live in Illinois. Oh well.

Online Travel

Let me ask you a simple question, ladies and gentlemen: when it comes to planning your trip and booking your flight online, who are you going to trust, an efficient machine, like a robot or an inanimate lawn gnome?

I can look back through my entire life, and most likely not find a single good experience that involved a lawn gnome.
I know what you're about to say: "Mitchell, are you trying to tell me that you've had any experiences at all that involved a robot?"
In response to this, I will quote my coworker and friend David and say "Shut up and let me finish."

So there I was, trying to figure out a way to book my flight, save a little money and (most importantly) not have to leave my living room.

"Man, I wish there was some sort of online travel site!" I exclaimed as I threw up my hands in exasperation.

It was at that very moment, that Travletron5000 burst through my living room wall in an almost Kool Aid Man-esque manner.

Once I got passed the terror and Travletron explained to me that he was simply there to help me book my flight, I offered him a drink. He politely declined and explained to me that robots do not drink.

As we talked, he opened my eyes to the whole world of online travel and showed me the many ins and outs. In a short time, I had bought my plane tickets online and Travletron was on his way out. I asked him as he was turning to leave if he would fix my wall that he had crashed through. The answer was "No" as he explained that he "wasn't programmed to fix walls" he "just does the online travel thing."

As I stared at the giant hole in my wall, I began to wonder if there was a way to find a new apartment online, but I tried to not put too much thought into it, as I wasn't sure if there was another robot that was programed to do that to come crashing through my other wall.

Smellvertising!

Well, I'm a little bummed out. Would you like to know why? Sure you would.

So earlier this week, the folks behind the Got Milk? campaign launched a genious idea: stickers that smell like chocolate chip cookies in the same bus stations as got milk ads.
Personally, I think that maybe a company like Nestle would benifit from that campaign, but I can see where they were going with it, so all's well.
Like all other good ideas, it was scrapped a day later.

The worst part is that I was getting the folks here at LogicMaze to really get behind the idea. Thanks to technology that we had already developed with our product: LogicMace, we were able to integrate what I have coined as Smellvertising (I'm working on it, jerk!) into our web designs. It's so crazy that it just might work.

The first company to be brave enough to allow us to try it is our friends at Wilson Waste Management. Take a look. . .or should I say take a smell: Click Here.

LogicMaze Owner Buys Orville Redenbacher Popcorn

It was only a matter of time, according to employees at Hutchinson Kansas web design company: LogicMaze.

"Her interest in popcorn just kept growing and growing," stated an annonymous LogicMaze employee, who's married to Tamara. "At first, she would just eat it at lunch time. Before long, she was making popcorn pancakes for breakfast and popcorn casserole for dinner."
He then paused for a moment to sob.
"She tried to make beer out of popcorn," he continued. "Beer."

It was this overwhelming fixation eventually became all encompassing. Colleagues began to notice little things like a picture of Orville Redenbacher as her Windows desktop background and the necklace that she had made by stringing popcorn kernels together with fishing line. Occasionally, things would slip into the crazy when she would wear an empty popcorn bag on her head.

Then it happened, Tamara wasn't seen around LogicMaze for a solid week. Nobody knew where she was. The halls of the office were a whirlwind of speculation. Each had their own idea, but there was one common factor in all of their hypothesis: it had something to do with popcorn.

The following Friday, almost a week and a half after she disappeared, Tamara Heitschmidt returned. She had some big news for everybody at the office: she had bought the company Orville Redenbacher. Everyone at work was baffled by this sudden decision. To a firestorm of questions, she responded simply by telling them that Orville Redenbacher popcorn "pops up lighter and fluffier than ordinary popping corn." She then finished with "Eats better too." before she went to her office and shut the door.

Nobody knows for sure the fate of companies LogicMaze and Orville Redenbacher. Friends and family are currently attempting to talk Heitschmidt out of changing the name of the popcorn company to LogicBacher.